Since I found out I was accepted into grad school back in February, I have had a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I want to write them down in hopes to organize the jumbled mess in my brain and to perhaps clear up questions others have asked me.
Getting my masters degree is something I have always dreamed about. I want to work with children in a therapeutic setting. I love children, and unfortunately they often fall victim to environmental circumstances that they are not in control of. I want to aid in helping them have a brighter future. I want to help families become a stronger, healthier unit. I want to help keep families together. I want to ensure that children feel loved and that they have someone who is in their corner--me. Getting a masters in social work will allow me to live out these desires of my heart.
Above all, however, I want to be a mother. The thought of being a mom consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. I want to have kids now. I am ready now. I also want to be a stay at home mom, which seems odd with how passionate I am about working in the field of social work.
Knowing myself, I don't think I can do these two things at the same time (going to school and having kids). Actually, if I am being completely honest, I don't want to balance both. I commend women who have gone to school and raised children. I don't know how successful I would be at doing both at the same time.
Why don't I just go to school after the kids are older, you ask? Well, because I know I won't do that either. I want to have an army of children (8 to be exact). I am preparing to raise children into my 50's. As a 50 to 60 year old, will I want to go back to school? Negative ghost rider. I need to get a masters degree now, while I am young and still vaguely remember what I learned in my undergraduate studies.
So, one would ask, why are you getting a masters degree? (I have been asked this question several times when expressing my desire to have kids.) I ponder this question almost daily, and I have come up with a few answers.
1. I have to have a masters degree to do what I want in social work.
2. I value education and I believe it is extremely important for women to obtain an education of any kind! I want to be a good example for my children as well.
3. Future security. My sweet husband is the hardest worker, and he wants me to be a stay at home mom as much as I want to be. I know he will do anything to make this possible. What if he just cannot find a job though? And heaven-for-bid, what if I tragically lose him? Having a masters in social work will allow me to support a family. If I need to work, I can and will work. I can have a successful career if I am called upon to work. That security is a comfort to both Matt and me.
4. In conjunction with the possibility of having to work, I want to work in a field that I love and am passionate about.
5. Getting my masters at BYU is an incredible opportunity that I just cannot pass up. I would kick myself for the rest of my life if I didn't take advantage of this. I will get an amazing education for a very affordable price.
6. Simply stated, I feel so good about this decision. I want to do this.
There you have it. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go to grad school. There was a time in my life when I didn't think this was possible. I truly believe divine intervention placed this in my lap. I have to remind myself that I'm not the only one who isn't having kids right now. It has been a challenging decision at times, but what matters is that my husband and I feel good about this opportunity. I am 23 years old. I will graduate when I am 25. Ideally I will be largely pregnant when I walk across that graduation stage. I will still have my army of children. I will be a stay at home mom with a masters degree :)